Stopping the Clock

This past Friday was my last day at work. I decided to leave my job without another one lined up, and with a tentative plan to remain out of the earning sphere for the rest of 2015.

I have spent the past 13 years building a career as a strategy consultant and consumer researcher, and a successful one at that, when success is defined by promotions, salary milestones, the "bigness" and "high-powered-ness" of the employers on my resume and the clients I have served (and the "perks" that can accompany those types of businesses), and my degree of impact on several well-known consumer brands in the form of marketplace communication and product innovation. But my career success has come with a certain (high) degree of stress and sacrifice in other areas of my life that I'm not sure I see myself maintaining for the rest of my working days.  And, there are other definitions of success that I'd like to explore with more depth than I have so far.

Therefore, I'm hitting the pause button to reassess my career path, personal values, motivators and interests and to determine types of contributions I am best equipped to make to the world. 

I am a plodder and a thinker (an over-thinker extraordinaire, if I'm honest), and frankly, a late bloomer in every sense of the word. I need this halt. I need this drastic measure. I have worked extremely hard, I have saved like crazy, and I have the incredible support of my husband (and yes, also an unearned degree of privilege) to be able to take this professional time out with limited concern for any personal financial repercussions.

I appreciate all of the encouragement and positive reactions that have come my way since sharing my decision with friends, family, mentors and colleagues. I expected to be on the receiving end of some negative judgment for my decision, which probably says something more about my insecurities than anything, and I am thankful that has not been the case.

My intention is to document my experience as it unfolds, and if it feels right, I'll share updates here on my little blog. I don't know how this experiment in focused self-discovery is going to shake out, but I'm certain it will come with a mix of highs and lows, adventure and monotony, and a bunch of other dichotomies and duality that may or may not be interesting to anyone else but me. Please check in with me (directly or through the blog) if you're so inclined, and I promise to do the same.

Here we go!

Embracing Winter

It's that time of year, when the winter seems never ending and Mother Nature won't let go of her fascination with the cold, even though everyone wants her to just move on, already. February and March?  Every year it's a slog. Life just feels weighty, bland, dreary this time of year. At least for me, anyway.

In my early twenties, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety, though I suspect I cycled in and out of that tangle undiagnosed since the early years, 11 or 12, maybe younger. Currently, I have a pretty good handle on the two, and over time have ingrained behaviors and thought patterns that help to keep me from sinking too low with the depression, or from winding up too tight with the anxiety. While I haven't experienced a prolonged major depressive episode in a long time, I am still prone to a lighter fare, garden variety seasonal depression that I think nips at most people around this time.

Experience has taught me to make an effort to fill up the winter months with happy little sign posts -- get togethers, outings and other such distractions to bridge the way to brighter, vitamin-D lit times, when everyone finally receives a natural mood lift that comes with the arrival of Spring.

One strategy I've employed since returning to the great white north has been to embrace wintertime.  Last year was tough with the relentless Zero-and-below temps freezing out our ski bunny plans (though we made it out eventually). And this year, in a twist of irony -- or whatever it's a twist of, if not irony --this winter in Minnesota, the temps have actually been too high to engage in some of the winter activities I'd planned as distraction.

Although snowshoeing was a bust, B and I did get to try one "cool" new wintery activity In Feb - one that made us feel a little more Minnesotan. We recently got to try our hand at CURLING!  Turns out, our lovely and awesome friend, GC, is quite the curling aficionado. She was on her high school curling team way back in the day in Canada, and she now curls in a league here in the Twin Cities. She recently organized a Curling Clinic to introduce her friends to the sport, and B and I decided to give it a shot.

Frogtown Curling Club in St. Paul, MN

OK, for anyone who has ever questioned the legitimacy of curling as a sport, listen up.  That shit takes some serious athleticism! All of us newbies looked ridiculous, jauntily tripping our way down the ice, grasping to find a rhythm as we tried our hands at curling and sweeping, testing our skills (or quickly discovering our lack thereof, as it were in my case) in various team positions (lead, second, third and skip). As out of our element as we all felt, we had a terrific time. Bonus, curling is an extremely beer-friendly sport, and we enjoyed plenty of courtside (sheetside?) brews between (and yes, during) "ends." Check out those smiling, happy curling faces!

Left to Right: AL, GC our organizer, ME, HRL, BM, taking a break from the action.

Curling was not one of my 'original' 2015 100, but it was such a fun and unique experience (and helped, at least temporarily with the winter blues), I had to add it as #101. 

Demetri a "Go", Snowshoe a "No"

A Winter Wonderland it is certainly not, here in the Twin Cities. While the East coast and other parts of the Midwest recently got a healthy dose of #Snowmageddon (and more snow on the way for the East), Minneapolis has managed to stay "high and dry" (unseasonably high temps this winter, limited snow precipitation, that is). Sadly, this "high and dry" reality resulted in the cancellation of the Snow Shoe 5K that I was supposed to participate in yesterday morning. And in turn, that means it's looking highly unlikely that I'll complete that item on this year's list of 100.

Still, yesterday wasn't a total wash, list-wise, and instead I checked off a different list item: see a comedian perform live - specifically someone who I've never before seen live.  Last night, B and I went to see Demetri Martin at the State Theater. I've been a fan since his early career, enjoying his Comedy Central specials, tuning in here and there to his now defunct television series, and most recently, watching him play the douchebag, Ellis Hightower,on Showtime's House of Lies. So, a few weeks ago when B got an email notice that Demetri Martin was coming to perform here in Minne, we didn't hesitate to buy tickets.

"Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies" - Demetri Martin (image source: found on Pinterest here) 

While I tend to prefer storytelling comedians, like Mike Birbiglia (one of the best, IMO), I can't help but be captivated by Demetri Martin's fast-flowing, off-beat stream of consciousness, subtle, sometimes snarky and always quirky observations of everyday life. Plus, how does he manage to memorize his packed sets? Plus, I'm a sucker for the musical comedian, and was thrilled when he situated his harmonica and saddled up the guitar to let the satire flow. I also appreciate that he is able to get people to look at the world a little bit differently with a comedic approach that is, in my opinion, relatively innocuous, or at least less 'in-your-face' about it all.

I also admire Demetri because he "took the leap" to be true to himself, taking a gutsy risk to drop out of law school after two years to pursue a different path. His story is a great reminder that it's ok to change your mind, to pop out of your bubble of  mediocrity, to say 'screw you' to the naysayers, and to stick the middle finger to traditional expectations. I think that perhaps it tends to be easier for us to make decisions out of fear, regret, mediocrity or complacency...and to get a bit cliche all up in here, the "path of least resistance" that can seem so inviting and easy, can turn into a "slippery slope", full of all sorts of shitty "twists and turns" that could have been avoided, simply by choosing to be open to a detour from the expected and "take the road less traveled."

On a semi-related note (regarding the video included in the link in the above paragraph...or if you didn't click on it, then it's really just a lazy non-sequitur), early on in my consulting career, when I was often out on the road doing consumer research - focus groups and in-homes and whatnot --  we used to play "word of the day" with focus group moderators, challenging the moderator to somehow fit in ridiculous words (hippopotamus, mandolin, sycophant, engorge) into the discussion. Good times...good times.

For those keeping track at home, I'm now at 2 out of 13 for the year - right on track! I'd like to offer up a 'teaser' at this point --  I've got something fun cooking up for next weekend, one that has the makings of a a terrific 'bonus item' on my list, if all goes well.  Stay tuned....